Sometime in the last few years, everything changed. I reached a crossroads in my life and I had no idea which path to take or what I wanted to accomplish. All the things that had been comfortable and steady in my life disappeared and I was left feeling lost, unmoored and uncertain. It was the most awful feeling I’d ever experienced.
A restructure at work left me without a defined career path or team. My mom passed away after a long, stressful illness. We sold our home of 10 years and moved twice – once into an apartment, and then into our current home. I turned 40.
I am a creature of habit and the lack of stability, the constant change, and an outpouring of grief sent me into a spiral of anxiety and depression. I went on medication and luckily got the worst of it under control. I found a new therapist to help me work through my sadness and depression. But the one thing that became clear to me was that I was at a crossroads both personally and professionally, and I had no idea what direction I wanted to take.
The one thing I did know was that something had to change.
I could not continue to live a life based in fear and lack. I had to find a way to work through things instead of pushing them away or ignoring them. And I had to find a way to take care of myself, honor my experiences, and be kind to myself, rather than the harsh negative self-talk I’d used for so long.
One of the things that helped me the most was establishing a self-care routine which included focusing on skincare and health. Because I have a complicated relationship with my weight and body image, it was easier to focus on my face and on my skin instead. It felt soothing and caring, rather than judgemental. I also tried to cut out sugar and focus on healthy foods. Slowly, I clawed my way out of my depression and grief, one small step at a time.
I’m still a work in progress. I still have to focus every day on fighting my depression, on choosing self love over self hate. But I have stood at the crossroads and made the choice to move forward, not matter how difficult, on the path that works best for me, not the one society dictated.
And thus Crossroads Beauty was born. This is the place I needed when I was at my most vulnerable – a place of safety, of non-judgement, of beauty of all shapes, sizes and colors, and of fun! I hope it can become that kind of place for you too, that I can become a friend, and that you know that I understand and have experienced the wonderful ups and downs of life and come out the other side even stronger.
Welcome to Crossroads Beauty. Choose your own Path.
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